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Gwyneth Paltrow recently had a tattoo done at Selfridges: the letter C is now engraved on her right thigh.

What I hate most about all these celebrity tattoos is not just that they have spawned a rash of copycats the length and breadth of the nation, it is that tattoo wearers think that by writing on themselves, Johnny Depp and his 'Winona Forever', or David Beckham and his tattoo of his son Brooklyn's name.

In economics, physical capital or just capital is a factor of production (or input into the process of production), consisting of machinery, buildings, computers, and the like.

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It is as if the person is trying to say: 'I love my son/boyfriend/wife more than you love yours.' As the multi-tattooed artist Tracey Emin summed up in an exhibition called the Tattoo Show - in which she displayed photographs of her own tattoos accompanied by handwritten text telling of her regret that the mutilation on her body constantly reminds her of her old self and past mistakes - it is all a load of self-indulgent b******s.

The death knell of the tattoo as a mark of rebellion must, though, be that dolphin on the ankle of Samantha Cameron.

When I mentioned this saddest incarnation of the tat to Helen Mirren, who has the Indian Lakesh symbol, meaning 'whole woman', inscribed just below the thumb on her left hand, she rolled her eyes.

The edgy model Eve Salvail had a tattoo - a dragon on her skull, clearly visible through her closely cropped platinum blonde hair - and she just couldn't get a job.

This is a shame for those lumbered with them, as tattoos are notoriously difficult to erase, always leaving behind a faint, purplish shadow in their wake.

Ankle tattoo bracelets are particularly popular among Hollywood actresses, including Drew Barrymore and Charlize Theron.

Actress Angelina Jolie gets a tattoo of a tiger from Thai tattoo artist Sompong Kanphai during her visit to Bangkok in 2004 Cheryl Cole has a number of tattoos on her hands and arms, while Amy Winehouse has the more old-fashioned type, featuring anchors and pneumatic pin-ups, the sort first favoured by sailors.

These 'old-school' tattoos are now achingly fashionable, while the sort using Arabic, Hindi or Japanese script, often misspelt and ungrammatical, that came into Vogue in the late Nineties when David and Victoria Beckham had them inked on their shoulders and lower backs, are most definitely out.

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  1. (These theories, of course, are as unbelievable as the internet plots that link Jay-Z and Beyonce to the illuminati.) In 2010, comedian Dave Chappelle called out Hollywood for using Black men in drag as a punchline during an interview with Oprah.